Sunday 1 February 2015

The Manager

You know when you greet people and ask how they are? That's just something we do to be polite, isn't it? It's not often you actually want to know the full details of how that person is getting on. That involves a coffee and catch up (with cake) at the very least!

This is something I have been struggling with lately. I keep being asked how I'm managing. I was asked the other day by the paramedics (that's another post for another time), how was I managing? I think I gave the most accurate answer. I said "I have no idea what managing is anymore." I honestly have no idea.

I used to think I was doing quite well but lately, I'm not so sure. I used to think managing was getting your daily "to do" list done,  having time for a cuppa at some point and not losing it.

Recently, I'm not even getting that far. I feel spaced out most of the time, like I'm not quite in. I find it hard to make decisions, can't remember what I was going to do or say, have tons to do but can't motivate myself to do it.

I've stopped planing what's happening from day to day. I have no idea what to do for tea most days. I can't be arsed to go out and its taking me twice as long to get round to outdoor jobs (anything that involves leaving the house) .

I have no idea whats happening to me. I feel cold most of the time and start dozing off about 9pm on the sofa. I haven't spent a whole night in my bed in the last few weeks. I can't be bothered to stop what I'm doing to eat for fear that I may not get going again. Consequently, I am surviving on coffee, microwave pizza and Haribo... Not ideal really.

I feel like there are never enough hours in the day to get the basics done, let alone anything else! I have set up base camp on Mount Washmore as it is as far as I ever get. I have even tried recycling some of the kids clothes so the total volume of clothing in the house is less but for some reason it hasn't made a difference.

Don't even get me started on the rest of the house! It is an utter tip. There seems to be "Stuff" everywhere. EVERYWHERE! I have thrown out and recycled and donated but to no avail. The "stuff" seems to multiply at night in the few minutes when I actually manage to get some sleep.

Maybe its a conspiracy!

Maybe the world is plotting against me!!

Maybe I'm just flippin exhausted and talking sh*te...

1 comment:

  1. Oh my Kat I love you wish I was nearer xx you've got to try to look after yourself with meals (when you stay and hardly eat I could conk you one lol) I know how tough things are big love xx

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